I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
