Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
