I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
