apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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