you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
