I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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