the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
