Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
