So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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