we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Randomize
