Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
