Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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