he puts the penis in happiness.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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