I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
