Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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