Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
