Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
