My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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