at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
