you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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