Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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