Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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