I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
