# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
