I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
