When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
