shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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