I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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