I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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