i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
