when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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