I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
