We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
