new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
