man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
