i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
worst night to have a conscience
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
