What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize