We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
