i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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