I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
