What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
