Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
