the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
