I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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