The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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