Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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