there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
