i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize