Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
