I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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