If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
