and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
