I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
