Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
