Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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