i think my tv is drunk
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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