Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize