whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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