you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize