OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
