i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
