I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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