listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
