Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
