I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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