But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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