Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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