I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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