i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
