I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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