I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
