On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm at about main and main street
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
